I just thought I would share my birthing experiences..... Why? I don't think we talk about them enough.
Let’s face it, it’s pretty rough, highly undignified and the
majority of the time the focus is on your vajazzle.
However,
childbirth is HUGE, it’s more than just waking up to the Facebook picture
of a cute baby. The person who has given birth to that baby has been through
hell.... literally blood, sweat and tears. It deserves recognition, not to be
swept under the carpet.
When I
first got pregnant, I think my main worries about childbirth were how much pain
would I be in? Would I poo myself? Would I need stitches? And would my lady bits be
ruined forever?
When it
got closer to the time my fears got slightly more serious, like would I survive
etc., but I'm pretty sure the above were my top four.
In answer
to my question of how much pain would I be in, that would be, a lot. Try, the
worst pain I had EVER experienced. I actually could not believe it hurt THAT
much. For days afterwards I was still stunned, everyone I spoke to I told... it
hurts... like REALLY hurts.
I was
pretty naive I admit. Someone I knew had had their babies with just gas and
air, and someone else had recommended a tens machine. So, in terms of
preparation... I was all set.
What. An.
Idiot.
The tens
machine was fucking useless for a start. I think it annoyed me more than the
contractions. I threw up like a million times, totally unprepared for that,
driving to the hospital with a sick bucket, and the pain was all in my back so
sitting or lying down were beyond excruciating. Which is not helpful when the
midwife/doctor wants to examine you!! (by examine I mean.... put their whole
hand inside you). Every time they wanted me to lie down so they could
examine me I wanted to shout ' AGAIN??? ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING'
I didn't
though... my mum was there! (sorry mum)
Before
labour I had said my absolute worst case scenario would be a cesarean. Or as
some people call it, the easy option.
Anyway, after
16 hours of labour (a lot of gas and air and a few drugs) and not so much as a
peep hole view of anything that looked like this baby was on its way out....
down to surgery I went. Everyone crying except me.... because if truth be
told... I just wanted it to be over.
As for
easy option...I'm not so sure. If lying on a bed, naked from the waist down,
pumped full of drugs, sliced open, while you are awake, and wondering if in a
minute you might feel something, as two strangers pull at your insides is 'easy'
I must have missed something.
On the
plus side I didn't poo myself AND my lady bits were all (relatively) untouched.
Result.
Just the 6
weeks of no lifting, driving, walking or pram pushing to get through..... like
I said... Easy.
Second
time around, even though I'd been through it once before, the list of fears was
pretty similar, with a couple more added. So it was how would I get
through the pain again, would I poo myself? Would I need stitches? Would my ladybits be
ruined forever? And would my c section scar tear?
I could
have chosen to have another cesarean with baby number 2, but in a ridiculous
way I felt like I hadn't had the full child birth experience. In a strange way
I felt like a failure, and felt envious of people who had 'normal' births. Call
me crazy, but I wanted to know what it felt like to push out a baby! There have
been times since where I regretted this. (Hobbling around Sainsbury's just
over a week after birth number 2, a tube of Anusol in my trolley was probably one)
This time
I said my worst case scenario would be forceps.... or an episiotomy. Ouch!! Just the word makes me cross
my legs!!! It wasn't so much the pain either, it was more the thought of
someone taking a scalpel to my intimate area... what would I be left with??
This is where your imagination runs wild, and the images in my head were not
pretty. (you can’t find any actual images on google.... trust me.. I've looked)
Well, guess
what?! I had the pleasure of BOTH! My vajazzle sliced AND my baby wrenched out of me, by
his head.
I wonder
if next time, if I say my worst case scenario would be the baby teleporting itself
out of my womb and into the cot, followed by a lottery win.... it would
happen?! Ha! Well there won’t be a 'next time' and if there is I will be
keeping my mouth well and truly shut.
So.. two
births... two lots of stitches... two scars. It’s almost like my children were
not happy unless they left their mark. A little sign that says 'we
were here', well cheers kids... mummy is really grateful.
An episiotomy and
c section are pretty similar... but in one way they differ.
One of
them... you can talk about.... the other... is like the unmentionable.
When you
have a c section people will ask how you are healing, they make sure you take
it easy, some may even ask to look at your scar (you know who you are), and
some even offer their services, because really, you've had a major operation.
Not so
much with the other. People don't want to ask about it, which is fair enough,
how do you say 'how's your fanny' in a nice way? So you just have to grin and
bear it.
Till
months later when you get drunk and decide that your husbands friends need to
know ALL about it.
So there
you have it, my birthing stories, and my top four fears faced, and I got
through them all. The pain, the birth, the stitches.... I didn't poo myself
(not that I'd have cared) and my lady bits live to fight another day.
All births
are different, some have 2 hour labours without so much as a stitch. Some have
2 day labours, with the works. It doesn't really matter, but I personally think
it’s important to talk about them rather than be embarrassed. I know people
give birth every day, but it really is quite a big event in someone’s life.
Just because it involves talking about bits, it shouldn't be taboo.
So get
together with some girls (or boys) and let rip (no pun intended). Tell them all
about the enormous trump you did after your c section (very common), or the
afterbirth poo you were so relieved about finally doing, you wanted to update Facebook....
trust me.... sharing is good...you will be glad you did.
I hope I haven't scared any mums to be, not my intention, but childbirth is what it is. There is no getting away from it, but (and you will hear this a million times) the truth is, its 100% worth it.
Oh dear you did go through the mill didn't you. I had 2 inductions and both were different but both fast. With my first we both ended up very poorly, it was a scary experience. But yes 100% worth it. #thesatsesh
ReplyDeleteYes, although have heard some stories even worse than mine so should probably count myself lucky in some respects. All's well that ends well as they say. Thanks for reading xx
Deletewow so much to go through, my first 2 were inductions and my third was a C-section. #thesatsesh
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading :) Three! eek! lol xx
DeleteI hope this is okay to say but this did make me smile - leaving all the pain you suffered to one side (obvs this didn't make me smile) your humour, honesty and frankness are extremely refreshing and made for a funny post. Why, oh why did we thing a TENS machine was going to be at all useful?! xx #thesatsesh
ReplyDeleteAh thank you, I like to add a bit of humour now and then! Its what gets us through, right? Yeah the TENS machine.... what an utterly pointless bit of machinery!! Thanks for reading xx
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