She's going to school. *crying face*
Every time I think about it I get that stinging in my nose and behind my eyes, I cant believe how emotional I feel about it.
Maybe because she is my first born, maybe because she's a girl, maybe because she is an August baby so I feel I have had the minimum time with her, maybe because she has allergies..... or maybe all of the above, coupled with the fact that for the last 4 years she has been my first and last thought.
The fact that my days of just me and her are numbered, crushes me beyond belief.
The other day we sat at the kitchen table whilst Theo was in bed, and we made play dough hearts, we made bead bracelets, we chatted about what kind of birthday cake she wants (a heart one) and who she wants to come to her party. She tells her silly little jokes that make me laugh. Just me and her. My little girl.
With school in the mix the hours of just me and her will be less. Her need for me will be less.
I know I sound dramatic... its just school. But its more than that.
Its not that I don't want her to grow up, I do, just want to hit the pause button so much!!
We got her learning journal back from nursery today and looking through the photo's was so lovely, but also a bit sad. She has changed so much, from the needy little girl she was when she started, to the kid who's holding a snake at the reptile display! She can write her own name, She can use scissors (anyone who has ever tried to teach a child to use scissors knows how hard this is). She can draw an actual picture and not just squiggles. (Although she does look a bit like Hitler in her 'self portrait')
Gone is the baby who had to wear socks on her hands because of severe eczema, and who puked on me in the ambulance we had to go in because she was allergic to egg. Gone is the toddler who couldn't stand up by herself till she was 21 months, and who cried to wear the same jumper every day for about a month. (I'm pretty sure the kid who played with a Melon all day is still there tho).
In her place is a very confident, caring and clever little girl. Who I couldn't be more proud of if I tried. She's had the best start I could have asked for and that's down to an amazing family and friend network, who have all had their part to play in making her who she is.
Now its time for the next step. I am proud and heartbroken in equal measures. I'm sure the tears will flow on that day in September, but I am happy for her. She will absolutely love it, and I will love watching her grow.