Our friend, Grayson was killed in a car accident. He was 32.
When someone is taken from your life so suddenly it is very hard to make sense of it. It's so random. One minute they are there, and the next.... gone.
You start to reflect on times past, of all those times you spent with them and wishing that you had appreciated them more. Wishing you had done more, said more, taken more photo's.... taken more time. A saying that repeatedly crops up, at times like this, is that you must 'cherish every moment'. It is this phrase that got me thinking today.
At first it made me feel a bit angry, because it is kind of like an accusation. It insinuates that you don't cherish every moment. But, what does it mean anyway? How do you 'cherish every moment'? What is the difference between a 'cherished' moment vs a non-cherished moment. Do we have to go through life cherishing every single moment with every single person?
So I have decided to look at it differently.
The definition of cherish is to protect and care for something or someone, or to hold something dear.
So when I am looking back, at all the memories I have of Grayson, they are now what I hold dear to me, therefore they have become my 'cherished moments'. I am thankful because they happened and I am grateful for each and every one.
We are constantly told to appreciate things more and live each day like its our last etc etc. Again, this assumes that because we don't say it, that we are not grateful for everything we have. Like just because I don't wake up each morning feeling grateful to be alive, it doesn't mean that I'm not. Just because I moan about my children it doesn't mean that I don't love them with every inch of my soul and I am not thankful for them every day. I believe that there are things in life that just....are. There are things that don't need to be said all the time.
So if you have lost someone and are feeling like you should have appreciated each moment more, and wishing you had taken more time, don't. It wouldn't make the pain any easier and it wouldn't make you miss them any less.
You did appreciate them, and you still do.
....and that is why it hurts like hell.